Through the Fire
by QuixoticLullaby
Summary: Sam/Dean: Each episode of the series slashed. Drabble-ish entries that are pretty much tags to each episode. This bunny has been in my head for awhile, I've just now gotten the inspiration to start it. Wincest warning, don't like, don't click.
1. Pilot

**(A/N): Well, I am entirely in love with Supernatural, and I decided to finally get off my ass and write this thing that's been circling about in my head for the longest time: a drabble-ish type thing series, Wincest of course, wherein I slash up every episode in some manner that I've probably imagined a thousand times while watching that episode. Anywhoseles, like I said, it IS Wincest, so if that isn't your cup-o' tea, there's the lovely "back" button on the top of your browser that will allow you to go back to whatever it is that you were doing before. =) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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**Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot -**

Jess is dead. The girl that I was trying so hard to be Joe-College with is nothing more than an awful smell in my no longer existent apartment. I feel like I'm going to throw up, but I don't. Dean would kill me for getting it on the upholstery....Dean…I was getting away from Dean with Jess, getting rid of all that wrongness that came with Dean. Dean was safety and love, but Dean was also temptation and iniquity.

You're not supposed to want your brother, that's not how that's supposed to work. Even though he's been the only stable thing in my life for as long as I can remember; the only one that was always there, the one that always stepped in between the monster and me, the one that gave me the last bowl of Lucky Charms even when he wanted it for himself, the one who insisted that I take the bed farthest from the door so that whatever got in would have to get past him to get to me. My savior…he was the only entity that I could ever call home, but me and my fucked up mind, I had to ruin it by wanting more than a brother ever should. And to mess it up even more, Dean wanted it too. I don't know if it was just how long we'd spent together 24/7, 365 and all that jazz or if he just realized sooner than I did that anyone else either of us would try to get involved with would just end in their death.

We couldn't always protect civilians, there was always the danger something would happen to them when we weren't around, but I could sure watch Dean's back while he pumped some ghoul full of rock salt. We could protect ourselves, and that was a luxury we couldn't afford not to have in a partner. He was the only person I trusted, the only person I could trust. He was my everything and I had to leave him to give him a shot at a life that wasn't filled with inappropriate desires and kisses stolen while dad was out drowning his sorrows on the sympathetic shoulder of Jose Cuervo or out on a hunt. It might have been good enough for a mess like me, but I didn't want that for Dean, he deserved more than my punk ass weighing him down, but now, as I cry my eyes out for a girl that I loved, but never could quite be _in love_ with on his shoulder, a calloused hand weaving through my sweat-matted hair, I find myself more tired than I've ever been before in my life. Can't I just be happy for once? Can't I just let myself go and drown in something meaningful?

_"You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are."_  
_**  
**"And who is that?"_  
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**"One of us." _

One of us...maybe I wasn't destined for normal, hell, nothing else about my life has ever been normal, why should this be any different? I've decided, I don't care how long it takes, I'm tired of pretending, I want to go back home.

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	2. Wendigo

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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**Season 1, Episode 2: Wendigo -**

**Sam P.o.v.**

I'm getting really frustrated. Dad sends us to Bum Fuck, Egypt on a freakin' job when all I want to do is find him and get to Jessica's killer. I know dad's been searching for this thing for twenty years and hasn't had much luck, but all I can think about is that poor pretty girl that loved me and got eviscerated for it.

I feel like out of respect for her I should not do anything in terms of the Dean situation for a while…some kind of mourning period or something. I may not have been in love with her, but I did like her, she was a good friend of mine and I respected her. Plus, I don't know if Dean even still thinks of me like that or if he just sees me as his little brother again…his little brother that he deflowered; as normal and familial as one can get after that. I just wish I knew what to do. I'm so angry. Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't my family have been proud that I got a full ride to Stanford? Why did I have to learn how to shoot a .45 before I learned to drive a car? Why do I like my brother in the way that I'm supposed to like my prom date, or my girlfriend? I try to escape, forget about all that, and what do I get for it? I get an innocent girl killed and end up right back where I started only this time we can't find our father, and though I know Dean likes to put on a game face for me, he's really freaking out. I don't know how he keeps dealing with all this shit.

"_How do you do it? How does Dad do it?"_

"_Well for one, them. I mean, our family's so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable. And I tell you what else helps, killing as many evil sons-of-bitches as I possibly can."_

Well, he was right about one thing, we really are screwed to hell.


	3. Dead in the Water

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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**Season 1, Episode 3: Dead in the Water -**

**Dean P.o.v.**

I do the routine well enough. Get to a town, kill some baddies, hustle some pool, flirt with the girls…but it all just seems so stiff these days. It's like I'm an actor playing the part of this suave, devil-may-care kind of guy but that's all it is, an act. I don't want to flirt with Andrea with Sam right there watching, but he expects me to, so I do. Gotta keep the game face on for Sammy, can't let him see any chinks in my armor. He got a girlfriend, albeit a now dead girlfriend. He didn't want what I had to offer, and yes, that hurt like a son of a bitch, but I let him go, and now, here he is again, and what's between us is added to the long long list of things we don't talk about. We don't really talk about anything of importance and I suppose that's my fault. Sammy's always been the one that wanted to talk about emotions and crap. Stow it. I always just repressed what was bothering me and got back on the road….but I gotta tell you, I've been doing that for so long that I've started to go numb. I'm used to disappointment, used to pent up resentment from both sides of an issue that eventually results in the two of us getting in a fistfight to release the tensions. We'd rather beat the holy hell out of one another than talk. I don't know what's more fucked up, the fact that that's true or the fact that that's how I like it.

I'm driving in the car with Sam after another one-sided conversation with Lucas. Sam's being quiet and I strike up a conversation about the drawing that Lucas handed me as I left. Stick to talking about the job, that's always a safe zone.

"_You know, what you said about mom…you never told me that before."_

"_It's no big deal."_ what happened to my safe zone? It's always dangerous when Sam gets that tone in his voice. And now he's got those puppy dog eyes on me,

"_Oh God, we're not gonna have to hug or anything are we?"_ I play it off with sarcasm, and it's true, I'm not a fan of hugs, but right now, I want to touch Sam, just be able to reach across the seat and lay my hand on him like I used to be able to. Now it feels like I'm walking on eggshells with my own brother. I don't know if I'm allowed to ruffle his hair anymore, or pat him on the back or what. Jesus, now I sound like a simpering school girl, what the hell is wrong with me?

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	4. Phantom Traveler

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**Season 1, Episode 4: Phantom Traveler-**

**Sam P.o.v.**

_God he looks so nervous. _

We're on this plane, at 30,000 feet in the air and Dean is outwardly freaking out. I've never had to deal with this before. Usually I'm the one freaking out and Dean's the one trying to get me to sit my ass down and shut up. This is unfamiliar territory. Admittedly he has a reason to be nervous, this plane is going down with almost one hundred percent certainty, so it's not like he's being paranoid or anything, but I can't help but feel that he'd be just like this even if we were on a normal plane. I try to get him to calm down, but he just explodes at me.

"_Sam, this plane is going to crash, okay? So quit treating me like I'm freakin' four!"_

"_You need to calm down." _I say as calmly as possible.

"_Well, I'm sorry I can't!"_

"_Yes, you can."_

"_Dude, stow the touchy-feely, self-help-yoga crap. It's not helping!" _

Well, self-help-yoga crap might not help, but when we were kids, only one thing ever stopped Dean from punching someone in the face or calmed him down during an argument. I place my hand solidly over his which is turning ghostly white from gripping the armrest like it's the only thing keeping him alive. Surprisingly, all he does is look out the window like it's become the most interesting thing he's ever seen and grip my hand tighter. No snaky comments, he must really be scared…Yeah, 'self-help-yoga crap' never was Dean's style, but 'touchy-feely' always was, even if he wouldn't admit that to save his life.

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	5. Bloody Mary

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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**Season 1, Episode 5: Bloody Mary-**

**Sam P.o.v.**

Dean was right, there is a secret about Jessica's death. I'd had dreams about it for months…I could have prevented her death if I'd just told her…but that wasn't the only secret weighing me down about her death. The big secret that I wanted to keep to myself was that I was almost kind of happy now. Not that she was dead, but that her death had given me an out. I got a free ticket back to Dean and this lifestyle that I hadn't thought I'd miss.

He thinks he knows all about Jessica's death? Not on his life. I've got to convince him that I can summon Mary…but then he'll want to know…

_"I don't what?"_

_"You don't know all about it. I haven't told you everything."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Well it wouldn't really be a secret if I told you, would it?"_

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Well, now that we're all done and I've almost liquefied my eyeballs today, I think it's about time to sleep and forget all about this. Of course, Dean doesn't quite see it that way, he of course wants to know all about the secret. I can't tell him about the premonition or he'll think I'm some kind of psychic freak, and I can't tell him the other thing…just because.

"Look, you're my brother and I'd die for you, but there are some things I need to keep to myself."

Like the fact that after all this time…I never got over you.

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	6. Skin

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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********Winchesterlady: No problem! I always love my reviewers and try to respond to all of them.**

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**Season 1, Episode 6: Skin -**

**Sam P.o.v.**

Not to be a smart ass, but I really want to tell that shape shifter that's wearing my brother that I'm not into bondage unless it's with the _real_ Dean.

He's blabbing on and on and I'm not really paying attention because I know that he's just trying to get me riled up using my brother's memories against me, and trust me, I know lately there probably are a lot of Dean's memories against me, but I'm not going to listen to anyone gripe about them that isn't even Dean.

That's another way I know that this isn't Dean. The real Dean wouldn't pull all this sharing crap even if he was given the alternative of sticking his face in acid. He'd take his chances with the acid, and boy was I missing that right about now, this guy just would not shut up.

"_I must say, I will be sorry to lose this skin. Your brother's got a lot of good qualities - you should appreciate him more than you do." _

If only he knew…I sighed and once again struggled in the ropes that held me.

The thing actually smirks, and it looks wrong because it's not Dean's smirk, "No really…he…_really_ wishes you'd appreciate him more." the shape shifter says as he suddenly gets rather too close to my space for comfort. He looks me up and down and hums to himself, "The things he wants to do to you…it'd make a sailor blush." I try to lean back away from him, but these ropes just aren't cooperating and he gets impossibly closer. His lips are an inch from mine as he says, "Mine." before crashing his lips to mine. It's a desperate sort of kiss, like CPR for a drowning person. I don't kiss back, I can't. I have to keep repeating my mantra as his frenzied lips move against mine: _not Dean not Dean not Dean not Dean…_But God does it ever feel like Dean, even tastes like Dean. I give in for half a second, and press my lips back against his when he withdraws with the cockiest smirk on his face.

"Well well well…what do you know, we might have a willing customer in our midst." he looks at me appraisingly before saying, "If I really swung that way, and not just this skin, I'd be all over that, but fortunately for you, _little brother_, I don't. Little Becky is going to enjoy your brother's body instead." I froze, and the shifter had the nerve to look at me with false concern, "Night Sammy." he said before throwing some sort of tarp over me and then the world went black.

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	7. Hook Man

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

**Reviewers: I love you guys, seriously! -hug-**  
**LauraLuna: I love you too! You made my day!~ Hehe, people like you keep my clacking away at this keyboard.**  
**Kait-Lynn23: Thank you so much! I'll try and continue keeping up the work, should be a lot easier now that it's summer and the semester is over. You're amazing, thanks for reviewing all the chapters, and for you, this is in Dean's P.o.v. =).**  
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**Season 1, Episode 7: Hookman -**

**Dean P.o.v.**

I heard all that stuff that the shape shifter said to Sam, and he knew I heard it after he realized that I was chained to the pole on the other side of the room. We're not going to talk about this, I see those looks Sam keeps shooting me, but it's not going to happen. We have a job to do and it's not going to go very smoothly if we get into an argument, which is bound to happen if we get into talking about anything serious.

Having feelings for someone sucks and what sucks even more is that I have to see him twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. It's almost a relief when we split up and he goes to the girl's house. I scold myself not to get jealous, the guy's girlfriend just died, he's not going to go out chasing tail at a time like this. I still can't help but feel the tension between us. I know some of that has to do with me being a bit more than distant, at least compared with what we used to be.

Sam and I used to be thick as thieves before he left for Stanford, but now I don't think I can trust him…or myself. If we start up that rapport that we used to revel in, I might be tempted to do something that I know Sam doesn't want, at least not anymore. I shake my head as I dig around this place, looking for the unmarked grave of the Hook Man. It's all for the best, of course. We're brothers. I'm sure we're lucky that no one ever found out about this before we stopped it. Dad would have had a coronary after he beat my ass and I don't even want to know what mom would have thought. I finally stumble upon the remains, but the hook isn't attached to them. Time to get back to work.

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	8. Bugs

**A/N: Alright loves, I now know exactly where I'm going with this, so that's a relief. No more seat of my pants and all. -_- Trust me, you'll have your action -very- soon, just be patient, I know the episode that I'm going to shamelessly exploit to do it with, and it's going to be sooner than you think. =D**

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

**Reviewers: I love you guys, seriously!**  
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Kait-Lynn23: Hehe, fear not, they shall have a nice little blow up about it _reeeaaalll_ soon. -evil grins-. Thanks for the review!**  
**Pallas Athen: Thanks so much!**  
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**Season 1, Episode 8: Bugs -**

**Sam P.o.v.**

Alright, so you can cut the sexual tension bubble around Dean and I with a dulled machete, but what the hell am I supposed to do about it? He's been giving me the 'if you even _think_ about talking about it, I'll punch your lights out' look ever since Palo Alto, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I know that some of what that shifter said was bullshit…but not all of it. But hey, it's easier to lie, right? Easier to just dwell in weighty repression in this family than God-forbid ever sit down and _talk_ about something important.

When I was six it was, "_No Sammy, dad's fine. He just leaves us because he has to. He wouldn't leave if it wasn't necessary, he loves us." _First round of bullshit.

Age eight: "_Don't worry son, you can go right back to doing your homework after you perfect this shot, I'm not going to force you to hunt if you don't want to, it's just to make sure you can protect yourself when Dean and I eventually go." _Second round of bullshit.

Age fourteen: "_Sam…this can't happen, it's wrong…" _Wrong by who's standards Dean? Those normal people that we defy around every corner you mean? Heaping piles of bullshit are all I've been fed my entire life. It's easier to lie and rationalize and hide our feelings than talk about it, realize it. Talking about it makes it real somehow, too real for Dad or Dean. I'm so sick of it I could puke, but I'll keep it in at least until we finish this job. Time induced curses are no time to be hashing out feelings…but then again I think Dean is purposely diving us into work so that there's never a lull long enough for anything to be brought up. Don't ever let anyone tell you that my brother is dumb, he knows exactly what he's doing and he hides it all carefully under a mask of indifference and seemingly unintentional gestures. I tune back into the conversation between some real estate agent just in time to hear a repeat of what Larry said to us when we told him we were interested in a house.

"_We accept home owners of all race, religion, color, or sexual orientation."_

"_Right. Um, I'm going to go talk to Larry. Okay, Honey?"_

He did _not_ just slap me on the ass? See what I mean…he knows _exactly_ what he's doing, the son of a bitch. He thinks it's funny to mess with me now, in public, where he knows he won't suffer any repercussions, but he knows I'm patient, I won't bring it up in public or while on a case, but he can bet his sweet ass that as soon as possible, we're going to have this freaking conversation, even if it does get me a shiner or two in the process.

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	9. Home

**A/N: Sorry about the foreverness for the update, my computer was wigging out on me. The peripherals were all haywire including the mouse and the keyboard, making typing impossible. I'm happy to report I got it fixed and am back! =D**

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

**Reviewers: I love you guys, seriously!**  
**Naughtykagome: I love that episode too! Hehe**  
**Kait-Lynn23: Thanks so much! I'm glad I'm getting emotions across well enough. This is a favored fandom of mine, but I'm just now really getting into writing for it rather than just being a lurker. =)**  
**Sachiel Angel: Thanks!**

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**Season 1, Episode 9: Home**

**Sam P.o.v.**

I'm having those dreams again, like when Jess died, only this time I'm not going to sit back and ignore it and hope all the bad stuff just disappears. There's something in our old house, and it might have something to do with the thing that killed mom and Jess. Dean has been looking at me like I've sprouted another head ever since I told him about my dreams. I really wish he'd stop. I already know I'm not normal, but at least I've always been able to pretend around Dean, because he's always been just as weird and out there as I am. Now I've even got a one up on _Dean_.

_Great_. This is just fantastic, I'm going to die via strangulation by a poltergeist-haunted lamp cord. This is embarrassing. Why does everything like to choke me anyways? Is there some kind of sign on my neck that says that I don't like to breathe or something? My eyes are starting to get black spots obscuring their vision as I feel my hands tug uselessly at the cord. If only I could throw the hex bag into the hole in the wall, but it's too far.

As I'm about to lose consciousness, I feel the vibrations of boots running into the room. _Dean_. He kicks a hole in the wall and I feel the cord around my throat go limp and Dean is kneeling next to me. He gives me a half hug as he pulls the cord away from my neck as if it's offending him by merely touching me. I feel a kiss pressed to my forehead and then to my cheek. I look up at Dean and I can feel him lean in before he tenses when our eyes lock.

"Dean, we really need to tal-"

"No."

"This is getting ridiculous!" I shout at him as he nearly runs out of the room. God Damn Dean and his hatred of "chick flick moments". I don't want to have a sob-moment any more than he does, but at least I'm not so emotionally stunted that I literally flee from any conversation that breaches the level beyond cases, food, casual ribbing, and where's dad. Anything that seems like it might even be going in the direction beyond that and Dean runs for the hills. We're really going to get into some shit if we keep skating around this. It's something between us, and the supernatural stuff that we're chasing will sniff it out and use it against us if we don't fix it soon. There's too much tension, too many meaningful looks, too many secrets. It's going to get us into trouble, and soon.

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	10. Asylum

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

**Reviewers: I love you guys, seriously!  
****  
LauraLuna: Thanks so much, and don't worry, I'll try my best not to be gone for that long again, freakin' computers. =)  
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Season 1, Episode 10: Asylum

**Dean P.o.v.**

_"Dean, when are we gonna talk about it?"_

_"Talk about what?" Shit._

_"About the fact that Dad's not here." Oh thank God…_

_"Oh..uh, let's see...never." That's when we'll talk about that other thing too, Sammy._

We're at this insane asylum in Illinois, and we're thinking that this insane doctor guy was experimenting on his patients, and apparently he's not done yet, even though now he's no more than a stinking corpse.

I keep trying to speed from job to job lately because I know Sam won't try to get into any huge blow outs while we're on a case, so if we're always on a case then problem solved, right? I was thankful when dad sent us these coordinates, Sam was getting that look in his eye and we just had too much shit to "talk about" for comfort. There was dad, and how he's never anywhere that he's sending us and then where the hell is he and what is he doing? Then there's Jessica and Sam's guilt and self-loathing fest about her, Sam's visions, which scare the holy hell out of me and him both, and then God forbid he broach the topic of how I can't keep my hands to myself.

He almost had me back in Lawrence when I lost my mind momentarily after making sure he was alright, but I managed to ungracefully get out of that one. I know he wants to talk about it, probably wants to remind me that we're not that way anymore, but I just really don't think I want to hear it. I know he had Jessica and was happy, I'm not going to taint my little brother anymore because of my unhealthy feelings.

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We've split up, which is a bad idea… Sam's been gone for awhile and I'm starting to get worried and a little pissed off because that's how I get when I worry.

He's in the basement, fantastic, cause nothing ever goes wrong in the basement. Ellicot lured Sam down here, probably to try some of his Jedi mind tricks on him. He seems alright though, at least something's going well in this hell hole. Let's just get this over with; find the body, torch it, leave, next case.

We walk into this dank, unhealthily moist room, Sam makes some comment about not finding a hidden room, but I'm almost certain it's in here. Sure enough there's a draft under some boarded up space on the wall. I'm on my knees, trying to pry the board off when Sam calls my name. I turn around only to have Sam's sawed-off pointed straight at me._ Okay…this is not a nice new development._

_"Sam, put the gun down."_

_"Is that an order?" Oh shit…really? _

_"No, it's more of a friendly request."_ He looks at me and I can almost see the evil glint in his eyes as he shifts the gun in his arms.

_"Cause I'm getting pretty tired of taking your orders."_

_"I knew it. Ellicot did something to you, didn't he?"_

_"For once in your life, just shut your mouth."_

_"What are ya gonna do, Sam? The gun is filled with rock salt. It's not gonna kill me."_

I somehow manage to feel the shots pierce my chest before I hear the sound of the gun going off. Sonofabitch.

_"No, but it'll hurt like hell."_

I cannot believe Sam just shot me. I know he's under some kind of spell or possession or something, but still…damn. We've just gotta get thorough this, burn the body and get Sam back to normal…and punch him in the face for shooting me.

_"Sam, we've gotta burn Ellicot's bones and all this'll be over. Then you'll be back to normal."_

_"I am normal. I'm just telling the truth for the first time. I mean, why are we even here? Cause you're following dad's orders like a good little soldier? Cause you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval? Or are you just trying to make up for all the dirty things you've done that would have made him disown you?"_

_"This isn't you talking Sam." _

_"That's the difference between you and me, I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic like you. I'm not afraid to do what I want, not afraid of what dad will think."_

_"So, what are you going to do, huh? You gonna kill me?"_

_"You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today, than we were six months ago. We're no closer to anything than we were six months ago. We're no closer to finding Jessica's killer, to figuring out why I'm having visions, to doing something about -us-. That's not going to go away Dean, and I'm sick of you avoiding it like the plague, avoiding -me- like the plague."_

_"Well, then here, let me make it easier for you."_ I'm handing Sam my gun, hey, at least it's not loaded.

_"Come on, take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!"_ It's only when I'm staring down the barrel of my own .45 that I start to really regret all this that's built up between us. I'm sure Ellicot would have found something to make Sam go off the deep end about, but suddenly I really wish it wasn't this.

_"You hate me that much? You think you can kill your own brother? Well then, go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!" Please don't do it Sammy…_

He pulls it, not once, not twice, but three times, trying to put a bullet in my brain before I smack the gun out of his hand and knock him out.

_Well shit…_

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	11. Scarecrow

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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**Season 1, Episode 11: Scarecrow -**

**Sam P.o.v.**

Sitting in a bus station is never going to be fun. Sitting in a bus station after a fight with the only person who you ever gave a rat's ass about is downright depressing. Sitting in a bus station after that same person calls you and tells you that he's proud of you, and wants you to take care of yourself…that's just cruel.

Every moment I sit with my ass to the cold concrete, next to this random, semi-attractive blonde, is another moment that Dean's hunting alone. I don't know why, but I have this bad feeling. People try and bullshit you and tell you that those mean nothing, but if my father taught me one thing, it's trust your instincts and my instincts are telling me that Dean is in trouble with this one.

I fret and pace about for a few minutes before picking up the phone and dialing again.

"_You've reached Dean, leave a message."_

_Aww hell. _Screw it, I'm going. He can call me a girl all he wants when he's safe.

"_Our bus came in." _the blonde, Meg, says as she shoulders her pack.

I just shake my head and stuff my phone into my bag,

"_You'd better catch it. I gotta go." _

"_Go where?"_

"_Burkitsville"_

"_Sam, wait!"_

"_I've been trying to call my brother for the last three hours. I'm just getting his voicemail." _

"_Maybe his phone's turned off?" _If it were anyone else, under normal circumstances, maybe. But not Dean, not during a hunt.

"_No, that's not like him…Meg, I think he might be in trouble."_

"_What kind of trouble?" _She probably thinks he's a crook…

"_I can't really explain right now. I'm sorry-look, I don't want you to miss your bus."_

"_But I don't understand, you're running back to your brother? The guy you ran away from. Why? Because he won't pick up his phone? Sam…come, with me to California."_

"_I can't. I'm sorry."_

"_Why not?"_

Because I never really wanted to leave Dean. Because I was just scared that he was mad at me, frustrated that we're not getting anywhere, not finding anything. Because he's the only thing I really care about. Because he's in trouble, I can feel it. Because he'd do the same for me. Because we have so much unfinished business. Because I don't want to go to California with a blonde, I just want to stay with Dean. Because I'd never forgive myself if something happened to him. Because I'd die if he did. Because he's my brother…

"_He's my family," _is all I can think appropriate to say as I walk out of the bus station. Time to go steal a car, good thing there's always a Jimmy in my duffel. Dean always makes sure I'm prepared for when I need to go save his ass.

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	12. Faith

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

**Reviewers: I love you guys, seriously!**  
**  
Kait-Lynn23: Hehe, well, here it is! =)**  
**Supernatural Satisfaction: Hehe, oh the show does belong to the fangirls...in my dreams. XD I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thank you so much.**  
**XxAkiraxX-SilverWerewolf-: Thank you! That was the goal of them, so I'm glad I'm pulling it off well enough. ^_^**  
**Infinite Madness: Hehe, you know, I've been looking for a fic like this one for a while too, and then I decided 'oh hell with it' and just wrote it myself. XD I'm really glad you're enjoying it, I'm having a lot of fun writing it. =) **

**Enjoy the next chapter loves!**

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**Season 1, Episode 12: Faith -**

**Sam P.o.v.**

I haven't slept in days. There's gotta be something I'm missing, some lore somewhere that I haven't stumbled across yet. I won't let Dean die, that phrase is not in my repertoire and It's not happening. God, I can't even think straight. There's gotta be something…

There's a knock at the door, I start and reach for my gun before it occurs to me that I'm in a motel room in the morning, and it's just housekeeping. I swing the door open to tell her that I really don't need the room cleaned right now only to come face to face with a dilapidated version of my brother. God damnit what is he doing out of the hospital? I ask this and of course, he's all bravado and jokes.

_"I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."_

_"You know this whole "I laugh in the face of death" thing is crap, I can see right through it."_

_"Yeah, whatever. Have you even slept? You look worse than me."_ he slowly walks across the room and lowers himself onto a bed. _"You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you?"_

"_I'm not gonna let you die period."_ he sighs and turns to stare at the ceiling.

_"Look, Sam, it's not that I don't appreciate you trying to save me, but lay off it will ya? If there was an easy solution, you'd have found it and any solution that isn't easy is so sketchy that you'd be risking more than you'd gain."_

_"More than I'd gain…? Dean, there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you, wouldn't give."_

_"I know, and that scares the ever-loving-crap out of me."_

I really don't know what to say, so I walk over to the bed and sit next to him.

_"I don't know what to do Dean…what do I do?"_ I ask quietly.

_"Let me go?"_

_"Nah, that's an impossibility. Next option?" _I say with the smallest hint of a smile on my face.

_"Kiss me?"_ I sit up straighter and look over at Dean with widened eyes,

_"You actually wanna talk about this?"_ He gives me his patented smirk,

_"Hell no. But if I'm going to die, consider it a last request of mine that you just shut up."_

And with that his lips are slanted over mine and it's perfection. I've missed this so much, this feeling, the rush that occurs when kissing Dean. That's how I knew I was never really in love with anyone else that had ever kissed me, it just wasn't like this, wasn't how it was _supposed_ to be.

We kiss languidly for a few minutes, just enjoying the simple press of lips against lips and the easy and familiar way that ours move around each others. Dean's tongue snakes out to brush against mine as the kiss deepens and he slowly, tentatively presses a hand to my chest to impel me to lay back onto the bed. I follow his guiding hand, not wanting to break the spell that seems to have come over Dean as he clutches my shirt in almost desperation. Like this is the last time he'll ever kiss me…This won't be. I'm going to find a way to save him. I don't care how. I don't even care how shady it is, I won't ask questions. I just want Dean, alive, with me.

After Dean's kissed himself into exhaustion and I've tucked a blanket around him I'm back at the laptop. There's this faith healer in Nebraska. I normally don't put much trust into faith healers because they're a load of crap, but this guy keeps getting my attention. People are saying that it's the real deal, now granted _every_ faith healer has people saying that they're the real deal, but this guy keeps niggling around in the back of my skull. Maybe I'll take Dean to see him, tell him we're going to a specialist or something. It's not like we've got anything to lose.

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	13. Route 666

(A/N): I know, I know! I am a TERRIBLE person for not updating this in a bajillion years, but hey, I'm back now, yaaay!

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

Reviews

Supernatural Satisfaction: Ayyyy, I got around to it eventually, right? -_-  
BroodyCheery323: You're the best!  
NeoCortex: So so sorry I did leave you hanging, but not forever!  
CourtneyScott: I am. =)

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**Season 1, Episode 13: Route 666**

**Dean P.o.v.**

I am the world's biggest idiot…After I so thankfully did not die I have to live with my embarrassment of giving in and kissing Sam. Yeah, he gave it to me, but I was _dying_. What he hell was he supposed to do?

I've got to find a way to convince Sam that I'm fine with us just being brothers. That I don't want that from him…but I do…so therein lies the rub. I've got to lie, which admittedly I am pretty good at, but it's so much harder to lie to Sammy. It becomes a moot point when Cassie calls. She rides into save the day like a knight in shining armor with her plea for help. If I can pointedly be all over her, then Sam'll have to think I've got no designs on him, right?

* * *

So that plan was a disaster…we finished the case, I banged Cassie, Sam's hurt, and everything sucks. I feel dirty, in every sense of the word. I feel awful for leading Cassie on, because she deserves someone better. I feel gross for sleeping with someone I really didn't want to, and I feel bad that Sam's been giving me either the 'hurt puppy eyes' or the 'god damn you' eyes ever since we left. How did I fuck it up so badly? Does he…could he really want me? Well, not anymore genius. You fucked that one up nice and proper. I keep my hands on the steering wheel as we drive out of here and I find myself glancing over at Sam more than once as he broods in the passenger seat.

"I'm not going back, you know? Settling down with a girl…that life. It's not for me man."

Sam just grunts and turns to lean his head into the window and tries to sleep. Bless him, he had his game face on the whole time we were with Cassie. He didn't say one word against her or try and pull me away. Maybe we've got more in common than I thought. Both just shoving each other at other people to try and get away from the inescapable fact that we're pretty much it. I'm not going to push Sam away anymore. If he wants it, he can come get it. I'm sick of fighting, sick of try to pawn him off when I'd rather honestly beat the holy crap out of anyone who even _looks_ at him with anything but innocent eyes…I'm just done with it. If he's all pouty over me and Cassie, there's obviously something there. Come and get it Sammy boy.~


	14. Nightmare

**(A/N): I'mma put up two chapters in a row for more apologies for making you think I abandoned this!**

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

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**Season 1, Episode 14: Nightmare**

**Sam P.o.v.**

Holy crap we're screwed…this Max kid has gone off the deep end and he's gonna kill his mom…He's gonna kill Dean. He is going to kill my brother and I am trapped in this closet and no matter how many times I kick at it that cabinet isn't going anywhere.

"Dean!" I shout to no avail.

Goddamnit…I can't really blame Max for being the way he is…it's how _I_ might be eventually…but he can go to hell if he thinks he's going to kill Dean. I have the vision again, but this time it's more clear and I see the blood oozing out of my brother and something in me just suddenly feels like it's being pulled taut and my mind explodes in pain as I vaguely hear the cabinet scuff against the floor. The door is open…I try not to dwell on that fact as I race up the stairs.

* * *

Max is dead…that poor woman is alone now. All of her family is dead. I'm more of a freak than ever and I'm probably going to go crazy soon and turn into a psychotic killing machine. I'm just lucky it hasn't happened yet…

Dean is looking at me funny. I just told him that I moved that cabinet with my mind…and he's making light. Telling me to bend a spoon…It's just so frustrating.

"Aren't you worried that I could turn into Max or something?" I blurt out.

"Nope, no way. Know why?"

"No, why?"

"Cause you have one advantage that Max didn't have."

"Dad? Because dad's not here Dean…"

"No…me. As long as I'm around, nothing bad is going to happen to you." He sounds so assured…

I half-listen as he spouts off some crap about needing to go to Vegas and clean up at a craps table, but all I do is smile and wait for him to finish…before I promptly kiss him. Right on the lips.


	15. The Benders

**Disclaimer: I only own Sam and Dean in my dreams…and what lovely dreams they are. ;D**

**Reviewers:**

**Steph5756lovestwilight: Thank you, I will!**

* * *

**Season 1, Episode 15: The Benders**

**Dean P.o.v.**

I'm trying to focus on the one emotion that I have that's appropriate until we get far enough away from the cop, but it's hard. Relief. Relief that Sam's ok, that it wasn't The Demon, that we've got a little more time…

Part of me still wants to go back and burn those corpses and not just out of spite, though that's certainly there. I still can't believe it was only people. A few redneck psychopaths could have stolen Sammy from me forever…and for what? Some goddamned sport? When I heard that gunshot…when I thought that guy had shot Sam in the cage…

We've been walking down the back road for a while now, silence becoming comfortable after the light ribbing and the serious request for him to please never do that again. One thing's for sure, he's not going to the friggin' _bathroom_ without an escort for a month after this shit. Not that he'd necessarily mind that…

Ever since that incident with that Max kid, Sam's become much more _affectionate_. Not trying to deny it or hide it anymore on his end I guess…He hasn't kissed me again, but that's about the only thing up to that point. He even tried to hold my hand in a diner the other day. I've been trying to keep my hands to myself as much as possible, trying to give Sam any possible out he needs, or at least try and get him to think about it for one minute before he goes charging ahead, but man…screw it. If he's done pussyfooting around then so am I.

We see an abandoned jalopy in a field a ways outside of town and it looks good enough for me. I stop for a moment and grab Sam's hand briefly when he keeps walking. The look he gives me is just so innocent…so trusting…and I nod over to the car a few yards away and I go over and sit on it. Sam joins me and his added weight makes the rusted frame of the car protest loudly and I look over to him as he squirms, trying to get comfortable. He's expecting some kind of vague heart to heart, the kind we usually have on the Impala's hood, but talking is still about the last thing I want to do, so after looking at him for a few moments I lean over, kissing him tentatively. Last chance to back out Sammy—but before I can coherently finish that thought he's leaning over me, gigantor body blocking out the sun as he deepens the kiss with a moan. Unexpected, but I'm not going to question…I'm also not going to let him get the jump on me. I roll us over, our bodies now teetering precariously over the edge of the rusted old Ford and I lick between his lips lightly, moving my hands to tangle in his hair to angle us together better. It's like the breaking of a levee as both of us crush closer together like we're clinging to something as the wind desperately tries to blow us away. My hands are now everywhere and I feel those hard muscles that Sam's been developing. So much different than the soft, doughy Sammy of our teens. This feels decidedly like a man. That thought would have freaked me out to high heaven in the past, but I learned long ago that Sammy-sexual does not mean homosexual. There is only one other dude that I can even grasp the concept of loving like this and it is Sam. Not to say I didn't try and 'fill the void' once. Ended up with me beating the shit out of the guy when he tried to respond to my kiss…a little unfair, and I did give him some money to get his nose looked at, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't Sam…And as we rut against this rusting piece of Americana, everything in my life just falls back into place. I don't worry about dad, about The Demon, or about Sam because nothing can hurt him when he's where he belongs, right under me. Anyone that wants him will have to pry him from my cold, dead hands and they better be on the lookout for whatever my angry spirit turns into even after that.


End file.
